Somebody Stole My Junk!

It happens. One guy’s Xbox 360 is another guy’s way to make a little cash by breaking into the first guy’s house and stealing the beloved Xbox console along with all of those shoot-em-up video games. The thieving guy lays low in his basement playing Spec Ops for three days straight until he runs out of Bud Light, then he heads down to the local junk dealer and pawns the console and games so he can buy another six-pack and start the whole steal-drink-play-pawn process over again.

America. Land of Opportunity.

So what happpens to the poor guy who finds out his stolen Xbox is now on display for sale at Jethro’s Junk Emporium? He gets a triple-whammy: He paid for the console and games to start with, then became the victim of a crime when his junk was stolen, and now in order to get his stolen junk back, he has to pay the junk dealer retail price! That hurts.

But wait! Senator Avery to the rescue! If his bill passes, victims of stolen junk will only have to pay the junk dealer what the dealer paid the thief for the junk in the first place. It’s not a perfect solution, and it’s kind of creepy to think about some other guy playing with your personal junk in his basement for three days, but at least you get your junk back at wholesale price.

Moral of the story? Protect your junk. Lock your doors.


One response to “Somebody Stole My Junk!

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