Let Them Eat Cheese

Here’s the problem with lawmakers: they think they have to make lots of new laws every year.

I know. It’s crazy. But they’re afraid that if they don’t create a lot of busywork for themselves to do, voters will decide we don’t need them anymore. And quite Frankly, they’re right about that.

Just to prove to us how badly we need them, this year the senators in the Lege introduced six hundred ninety-eight new bills and forty-six constitutional amendments… in ten days. That’s a lot of busywork. Not to mention a lot of expense.

I think we should have a one-year moratorium on new legislative bills. It would be a lot easier on taxpayers’ pocketbooks while helping the economy by providing jobs for the senators, their staff, all of the behind-the-scenes legislative workers, and, of course, the lobbyists.

Here’s how the Lege might work under the no-new-laws moratorium:

Day One of the Lege:

   Senator Roarbumble: “Well, here we are.”

   Senator Dinklebean: “Yup. We’re here.”

   Senator Mumbleypeg: “Any new bills to pontificate upon?”

   Speaker of the Lege: “Nope.”

   Senator Snortsnocker: “Where are the lobbyists taking us for a free lunch today?”

   Senator Lemonsquirter: “I think they made a reservation at the Cheesehead Factory.”

   Senator Hammersnozzle: “Then I move we adjourn until tomorrow and go to lunch.”

   Speaker of the Lege: “So moved. We are adjourned.”

Day Two through Day Ninety of the Lege:

   Repeat Day One, substituting a different restaurant each day.

Think about it! What a plan! The Lege would run so much faster and smoother if all the senators did was show up every morning for 90 days to vote on where to get a free lunch. We could call it the “Nebraska Senators’ Lunch Program,” modeled after the federally-funded National School Lunch Program. Hey, why should we limit free lunches to poor little school kids?

I vote yea.

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